THE MID-WEEK MESSENGER
(a ministry of)
White House General Baptist Church
P.O Box 1485, White House, TN 37188
(4012 Highway 31W - Phone 672-3530)
Pastor: Larry Treadway - phone: 672-9661 (cell - 210-5735)
July 21, 2010
The Ride of Life
(Weekly Devotion for July 21, 2010)
I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly
(John 10:10)
There is a water ride at Holiday World called the Zinga. Other water rides are wilder and more exciting, but this one has an unusual appeal to me. You ride in a covered round tunnel while seated in a tube. You can’t see where you’re headed but you know you are headed down hill and then there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But, when you exit you enter a giant cylinder shaped like a cone. The tube goes up and down and around until you end at the narrow end.
Going through life is sometimes like that. You know you’re headed downhill and you know you will come out somewhere but you don’t know where nor do you know what awaits you. When riding the Zinga, I saw the outcome before I climbed the stairs to ride down. The cone shaped funnel at the end is what attracts me to the ride. In life, we don’t have the ability to look at the outcome beforehand. However, God does. He knows the outcome and actually even controls it. He has His hands on the controls. We need to just trust Him for what is right and ride it out to the end.
Keep your eyes open He may be directing. If you see Him doing something wonderful around you, He likely wants you to join in with what He is doing. Then, ride it to the end. Keep your ears attentive to His call, He may be instructing you. If you hear the inner call of the Holy Spirit, just join in the ride. He may be speaking to you through His Word, His Spirit, His servant, His surroundings and experiences in life. It is an “abundant” ride in life.
Bro. Larry
CHURCH NOTES . . .
Friday is an all day church family trip to Holiday World / Splashin Safari. We are leaving from church @ 8:00 a.m. and should return between 10 and 11 that evening. The cost is $30 plus incidental money for two meals and locker rental at the water park. Any children under fourth grade must be accompanied by an adult guardian.
On Sunday morning, the small group study will be presented that will lead us to our revival the last week in September. Sunday’s sermon will deal with “Experiencing God” - - - our theme and books that small groups will read and study. Small groups begin on Sunday evenings starting August 1st. I hope you will be a part of the small groups and we can experience God together.
Below are photos of Sunday’s Baby Dedication of Kymberlee Swift and parents, James & Katrina Swift. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
CALENDAR
Wednesday (today)
- Adult Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Youth Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Summer Children’s Ministry @ 7:00 p.m.
Friday
- Trip to Holiday World / Splashin Safari – 8:00 a.m.
Sunday
- Prayer Time @ 9:45 a.m.
- Sunday School @ 10:00 a.m.
- Worship @ 10:55 p.m.
- Honduras Mission Team (travel in van to the monthly meeting) @ 12:15 p.m.
- Adult Choir Practice @ 5:00 p.m.
- Evening Worship @ 6:00 p.m.
Tuesday
- Ladies Weight Loss Meeting @ 6:30 p.m.
NEWS & THE MEDIA
Last month, Pastor Ronnie Baity was invited to serve as a guest chaplain at the North Carolina state House for the first week. He provided a transcript of his prayer beforehand to a liaison for the Legislature who said she had a problem with him praying in the name of Jesus, as there might be some people that would be offended. Pastor Baity said plainly, "My faith requires that I pray in His name. The Bible is very clear." House Speaker Joe Hackney decided Baity could offer his prayer, but his services would not be needed for the remainder of the week. A legal representative for Baity sent a letter to Hackney asking that his client receive an apology letter from lawmakers and another invitation to offer an uncensored invocation at the House. [ChristianPost.com, FRCAction Update]
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Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal signed three pro-life measures into laws last week, according to OneNewsNow.com.
One measure deals with abortion funding in federal healthcare reform, banning coverage for elective abortions in the insurance purchasing pools. "Louisiana exercised its prerogative in saying, 'Thank you, Mr. Obama, but no thanks. We are not interested in providing public monies, or pools of public monies, to offset or provide for insurance coverages that would extend to or include abortion,'" said Gene Mills, executive director for the Louisiana Family Forum.
Another measure was their ultrasound bill, which received the most debate. It does something unique in providing a window into the womb for a mother seeking an abortion, according to Mills. "It's required that the provider offer — not force, but offer — the young mother an opportunity to see the screen and/or a photographic image of her child," the LFF executive director explains.
The third law, according to Mills, bans doctors who perform elective abortions from being covered under medical malpractice laws, which is expected to be challenged in court.
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WISDOM & SMILES
Quotable Quotes
"Too many Christians are no longer fishers of men but keepers of the aquarium." – Paul Harvey
"Witnessing is that deep-seated conviction that the greatest favor I can do for others is to introduce them to Jesus Christ." – Paul Little
“Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.”
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The Cure For Hiccups
A man entered a drug store and asked the pharmacist if he had something to
cure hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reached out and slapped the man's
face.
"What did you do that for?" the man asked.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
"No, but my wife out in the car still does!"
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Things Not To Forget
A friend recently confided to me, "Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, 'You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.' I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to have a special kind of memory to forget to eat.
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The Night Shift
A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.
Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspapers came through the gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.
"I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away." The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him. The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard's checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing.
Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to the supervisor. He walked into the supervisor's office and before he could say a word, the boss said, "You're fired!"
"Fired?" he asked in total surprise. "Why? What did I do?"
"It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant and you have failed. So you're fired."
"Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard."
"Oh, really," the boss answered. "Then how do you account for the fact that there are 365 wheelbarrows missing?"
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Not With My Daughter
A large truck was tailing my son as he drove through town with his girlfriend. The truck matched them turn for turn, down every street.
My son's concern grew to alarm when the menacing-looking driver pulled next to him at a light, leaned out his window, and glared into his car.
After a long, hard stare, the man grinned and called to my son, "Sorry, kid, I thought that was my daughter."
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An Intelligent Woman
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. There were 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was
used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping .......
July 14, 2010
The Pattern of Prayer
(Weekly Devotion for July 14, 2010)
Pray without ceasing
(1 Thes. 5:17)
A story was told about a little fellow who had been sent to his room because he had been bad. A short time later he came out and said to his mother, "I've been thinking about what I did and I said a prayer." "That's fine," she said, "if you ask God to make you good, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me be good," replied the boy. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."
Christians are called upon in the Bible to embrace a constant prayer life. But, what does our prayer life consist of? Many of us are like that little boy and tend to see prayer as a way to get a stamp of approval on our agenda by God.
As we enter into prayer, we are entering into the very presence of God. For the most part our prayers are broken down into the following areas.
(1) Praise and Thanksgiving . . . Thanking God for what He has done awakens your love toward God is special ways. Thank God that He gives us every good and perfect gift (James 1:17).
(2) Forgiveness. . . Do not let pride keep you from having a right relationship with God. Openly lay your sins, faults, and failures on the line with God. He alone offers eternal forgiveness (1 John 1:9).
(3) Intercession . . . In Gal. 6:2 we read, “Bear one another’s burdens.” God is pleased when you are a burden-bearer interceding for others in your prayers.
(4) Petition . . . When you petition God, you are asking Him for a specific grant or benefit. He knows your needs but He wants you to ask (Matt. 6:8)
Pray and pray often. It’s the pattern of pray.
Bro. Larry
CHURCH NOTES . . .
It was a busy weekend with an enjoyable senior adult outing on Friday and a men’s breakfast on Saturday.
Sunday morning was a blessed service with such a sweet spirit. On Sunday evening there was a good attendance for the fish fry, service and activities. Thanks to Bro. Don and those who provided and cooked the fish. Also, thanks for those who helped with the activities. The children’s game I was working wore me out. I’m getting old.
Don’t forget the ladies event on Friday - - - the PMS Party (pasta, movie, and sundaes). Ladies are asked to bring swim suits if they wish to use the pool and hot tub. For more information, call Sis. Betty @ 615-323-8115..
CALENDAR
Wednesday (today)
- Adult Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Youth Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Summer Children’s Ministry @ 7:00 p.m.
Thursday
- CORE Ministries Meeting @ 7:00 p.m.
Friday
- Ladies’ PMS Party – 5:00 p.m.
Sunday
- Prayer Time @ 9:45 a.m.
- Sunday School @ 10:00 a.m.
- Worship @ 10:55 p.m.
- Adult Choir Practice @ 5:00 p.m.
- Evening Worship @ 6:00 p.m.
- Quarterly Business Meeting @ 7:00 p.m.
Tuesday
- Ladies Weight Loss Meeting @ 6:30 p.m.
NEWS & THE MEDIA
BOSTON (BP)--In a landmark decision that could force the United States to recognize "gay marriage," a U.S. district judge July 8 overturned part of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, ruling that the government cannot constitutionally distinguish between traditional marriage and same-sex "marriage."
Judge Joseph L.Tauro's ruling on a pair of lawsuits out of Massachusetts invalidates Section 3 of the act, which says that for the purpose of federal law, marriage "means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife."
It is the first ruling of its kind; if upheld, it will place the United States alongside the 10 or so other countries worldwide that recognize homosexual "marriage." It would force the government to recognize "gay marriages" from Connecticut, New Hampshire, Vermont, Iowa and Massachusetts, and by extension grant federal benefits, such as tax breaks and federal employee spousal insurance, to same-sex couples.
"Four to five years ago when we were encouraging the passage of the federal marriage amendment, many people criticized us and said that we were crazy, that the Defense of Marriage Act was sufficient and that we were just trying to rally the troops and get out the vote," Richard Land, president of the Southern Baptist Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission, told Baptist Press. "What we said would happen has happened. We said that sooner or later a federal judge somewhere was going to strike down all or part of the Defense of Marriage Act.
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The Presbyterian Church (U.S.A) is in their 219th General Assembly this week (July 3-10) meeting in Minneapolis, Minn. Cynthia Bolbach was chosen as the moderator. Bolbach is an elder from National Capital Presbytery in Washington and a strong supporter of same-sex marriage. She will oversee the deliberation of a number of contentious resolutions, one being a recommendation to change the definition of marriage to being a covenant between "two people" regardless of gender, rather than between "a man and a woman." Another recommendation is to allow the ordination of non-celibate gays and lesbians. [WashingtonPost.com]
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WISDOM & SMILES
Quotable Quotes
“My husband says I never listen to him; at least I think that's what he said.”
“It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." -- Elisabeth Kubler-
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Women, The Perfect Man Was Found
After endless searching, careful consideration, and almost never ceasing debate, The Perfect Man has been found:
- He's tan.
- He's cute.
- He knows the importance of accessorizing.
- And if he looks at another girl you can rearrange his face.
His name?
Mr. Potato Head
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Knowing Historical Facts Can Be An Advantage or Disadvantage
I recently overheard a boss talking to one of his employees at a restaurant recently.
"Was your wife mad when you got home so late last night?" the boss asked.
"Yes, she was plumb historical," the employee replied.
"Don't you mean hysterical?"
"No, I mean historical. She brought up things that happened forty years ago."
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A Trip To The Zoo
Two women were taking a tour through the zoo. When their guide came to the area where the ostriches resided, he stopped to explain, "Now this, ladies, is a very unusual bird. It can see very little and can digest practically anything."
"Oh my," exclaimed one of the women, "Wouldn't it make an ideal husband?"
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Tattoo Call
I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes."
I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness.
Then came the revealing moment: "Besides, Mom, you're 75 years old! You don't need a tattoo!"
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Only In America
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
July 7, 2010
Are We Too Fat?
(Weekly Devotion for 7, 2010)
But Israel] soon became fat and unruly; the people grew heavy, plump, and stuffed! Then they abandoned the God who had made them; they made light of the Rock of their salvation.
(Deuteronomy 32:15 – NLT)
Last week the yearly report of the top ten fattest states in America came out. Tennessee came in tied for second with Alabama. Isn’t it great to be rated at the top of something? I know I’ve personally done my part. The survey found a direct correlation for obesity to be poverty. We Tennesseans would be happier if we were not told we are poor.
The Bible gives a direct relationship to people being fat as blessed people. I like that description better! There is no doubt that America is a blessed land and that Christians are blessed people. We don’t always realize it, acknowledge it, or thank God for His blessings.
Israel in the Old Testament was God’s chosen people, a blessed nation full of wonderful promises. The greatest promise was a “coming Messiah” which was and is Jesus, the Son of God. Through the nation of Israel, God became flesh. Through the nation of Israel, all nations have been blessed with a Savior available to all who receive Him.
Israel often took God’s promises and blessings for granted many times. Oftentimes, they even abandoned God (the God who made them). They even made light of the Rock of their salvation, meaning they took their Savior and Lord for granted. But, do we often do the same today? Are we too fat that we take our “fatness” for granted?
Top Ten Fattest States In America
1. Mississippi
2. Alabama
3. Tennessee
4. Louisiana
5. West Virginia
6. Arkansas
7. South Carolina
8. Georgia
9. Oklahoma
10. Texas
Bro .Larry
CHURCH NOTES . . .
Independence Day Service was special with great patriotic music, video and testimonies. It is a great blessing to live in the U.S.A. We’re not perfect, but we have been blessed by God in so many ways. I know we look around and see things occurring differently in recent years with ungodliness on every hand. But, there is still hope as long as Christians like you and I stand for what is right, vote our convictions, and live in a way that represents Christ to the world. Stand up, speak up, and step up.
There were many of our church families out of town visiting relatives and on trips this weekend. I pray all return safely and we’ll see you for Wednesday evening worship or some day later in the week. I’m looking forward to following up Sunday morning’s sermon with a different light tonight. Sunday, the message, “Finding Your Purpose in the Christian Life” continued in the series “Being Complete in Christ” from Colossians. Tonight, we will turn to Ephesians 3 and focus on “The Purpose of the Church.”
There are many activities during the weekend including a senior adult outing on Friday, the Men’s Breakfast on Saturday, and the annual church Fish Fry on Sunday. Sunday’s Fish Fry Schedule is:
4 p.m. - Fish frying begins under the picnic shelte
5 p.m. - Eating begins in the church fellowship area (allows our elderly and those with
breathing problems to enjoy the meal)
6 p.m. – Special evening service focusing on “Fishing”
7 p.m. – Outdoor activities for all ages
CALENDAR
Wednesday (today)
- Adult Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Youth Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Summer Children’s Ministry @ 7:00 p.m.
Friday
- Senior Adult Outing (Mennonite Farms & lunch @ Ryans) – 9:00 a.m.
Saturday
- Men’s Breakfast @ 8:00 a.m. (Bring a food item, a friend, & a Bible)
Sunday
- Prayer Time @ 9:45 a.m.
- Sunday School @ 10:00 a.m.
- Worship @ 10:55 p.m.
- Church Fish Fry @ 5 :00 p.m.
Tuesday
- Ladies Weight Loss Meeting @ 6:30 p.m.
NEWS & THE MEDIA
According to a new report by the Pew Research Center®, nearly one in five American women in their early 40s are childless. The trend was much less common in the 1970s when one in 10 women did not have children by age 40 to 44 — the age bracket researchers use to designate the end of childbearing years. The report cites social and cultural shifts for the change, including less pressure to have children, better contraceptive measures and expanded job opportunities for women. [WashingtonPost.com]
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Last Wednesday, the Wisconsin Supreme Court unanimously rejected a challenge to the state's 2006 marriage amendment. Julaine Appling, president of the Wisconsin Family Council, said, "When Wisconsin voters passed the marriage amendment in 2006 by almost 60 percent, they recognized the purpose of the amendment was clear and simple: to protect the institution of marriage. The Wisconsin Supreme Court reinforced that purpose in their decision." People for the American Way and gay-activist groups vowed to challenge Wednesday's decision, claiming the amendment was unconstitutional. [CitizenLink.com]
WISDOM & SMILES
Quotable Quotes
“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can.” -- John Wesley, founder of Methodism
"To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day." -- Sir Winston Churchill
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Always Alert
Mary and Lucy were in the parking lot after the big fireworks show and 4th of July celebrations, trying to unlock the door of Mary's car with a coat hanger because they had accidentally left the keys in the car.
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!" Mary complained to Lucy, trying desperately to maneuver the coat hanger.
"Well, I wish you would hurry up," Lucy replied. "It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
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It Does Take a Rocket Scientist
Scientists at NASA developed a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airlines, military jets, and the space shuttle. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl and to test the strength of the windshields in collisions at maximum velocity.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Appropriate intergovernmental arrangements were made and the gun was shipped to England.
But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chickens hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and asked the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA's response was just one sentence: "Thaw the chicken!"
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Professional Jealousy
A patient was making his first visit to the doctor. "And whom," began the physician with utmost dignity, "Did you consult about your illness before you came to me?"
"Only the druggist down at the corner," replied the patient.
The doctor could not conceal his contempt for the medical advice of those he deemed unqualified to practice medicine.
"And what sort of ridiculous advice did that fool give you?"
"He told me," replied the patient innocently, "to come and see you."
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Classic Christian Bumper Stickers
Lord help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.
Come the rapture can I have your car?
Jesus. Don't leave earth without him.
Eve was framed.
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(The Baptist Church’s Basement Stairs are not
Handicap Accessible)
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June 30, 2010
Stand Up and Speak Out
(Weekly Devotion for June 30, 2010)
Most of the brethren, trusting in the Lord because of my imprisonment, have far more courage to speak the word of God without fear.
(Phil 1:14 – NASV)
A young boy was misbehaving in a church service. After several warnings from his mother, she placed him on the pew beside her and threatened that if he made one more sound and not be still and listen to the preacher, she would take him out for a whipping. After the service, the preacher made a statement to the child, “I see you finally were quite and still during my message.” The young boy replied with boldness, “I may have been sitting and quite on the outside but I was standing and shouting on the inside!” There are times to be silent and times to speak out and times to sit still and other times to get busy.
Our culture will tolerate any philosophy, any faith, and any lifestyle, except biblical Christianity. The world claims tolerance but where is the tolerance for the unborn baby? Where is the tolerance for prayer in school, or mentioning the name of Jesus in public? We Bible believing Christians have been called closed minded, bigots, racists, and even hate-mongers. All of the labels placed upon us to halt the proclaiming of the gospel and the advancement of God’s kingdom.
There is pressure from society to keep silent and there is even pressure within the church world to compromise the message in order to bring in a few more people. But, we cannot keep silent. The name of Jesus may be hated but there is no other name whereby we can be saved. (Acts 4:12). And, we must not compromise. We owe our all to Christ. He gave His life for us, and He gave us a purpose in which to live in this world. We may be like the young child and say we are speaking up or standing up for Jesus on the inside. But, Jesus wants us to go public.
Bro. Larry
CHURCH NOTES . . .
What a weekend. The Portland Association meeting went well. Thanks for those of you who prayed for my message on Saturday morning. I could not only look around and see the support from our church family, but I could sense the prayers.
Sunday morning, Bro. Rich took the preaching assignment and preached a great sermon on doubt, a plague to all Christians at one time or another. You can listen to the sermon on line at the church web site. Ten of the church family left for a Honduras mission team meeting in Alabama and returned late Sunday evening. Thanks to Bro. Mike for preaching on Sunday evening.
L/I/F/E/ Discipleship Class Graduates were honored from the most recent sessions. The study program will begin back for the next semester following the fall revival..
L.I.F.E. Discipleship – Session 2 Graduates L.I.F.E Discipleship. Session 1 Graduates
(Missing from photo – Betty Mooneyhan, (Missing from photo – Roger Thrauber)
Tony McConnell. Tina Stinson)
CALENDAR
Wednesday (today)
- Adult Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Youth Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Summer Children’s Ministry @ 7:00 p.m.
Sunday
- Prayer Time @ 9:45 a.m.
- Sunday School @ 10:00 a.m.
- Worship @ 10:55 p.m.
- No Evening Worship
Tuesday
- Ladies Weight Loss Meeting @ 6:30 p.m.
NEWS & THE MEDIA
WASHINGTON (BP)--A public university may deny a Christian organization official recognition under an uncommon policy that requires groups to accept all students as members regardless of their beliefs, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled Monday. See the entire news article @ http://www.bpnews.net/BPnews.asp?ID=33249
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During her ongoing confirmation hearings on Capitol Hill, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has been misleading on the abortion issue -- that's the view of Americans United for Life.
AUL attorney Anna Franzonello tells OneNewsNow that Kagan's view of abortion is contrary to the view of a majority of Americans who do see the need for some limits on abortion.
"She essentially confirmed her belief [in]
Roe v. Wade and
Doe v. Bolton -- the cases from 1973 that essentially constitutionalized this 'right' to abortion -- with an expansive no regulations allowed," says Franzonello. See the entire news article @
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Politics/Default.aspx?id=1070988
WISDOM & SMILES
Quotable Quotes
“It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people. The principles of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom.” – Horace Greeley
“You can't raise a child in a vacuum. All that carpet dust will clog up the kid's lungs.” -- Jacob M. Appel, American playwright, Arborophilia (2005)
“Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There's plenty of movement, but you never know if it's going to be forward, backwards, or sideways." — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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Look Out For The Ending
The youth director of a local church had been trying for months to get the boy down the street to come to church to be with his third grade Sunday school class. Finally after talking to the boy and his mother for what seemed to be the hundredth time the boy finally agreed to go this next Sunday.
He managed to show up on Sunday, and seemed to enjoy all of the proceedings, except as the baptismal service began he ran out the back door and ran all the way home.
His mother asked him why did he run home instead of riding with the youth minister.
The little boy answered, "Its all a racket, They get you there and let you make all those nice things and tell you great stories just to get you relaxed so they can drown you at the end of one of the services."
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Understanding the Message
A sidewalk preacher stood on a soapbox downtown and started a rousing sermon on salvation, ending with, "Brothers and Sisters, if you want to go to Heaven, come stand by me!"
Half of those standing around joined the preacher, and he went on, raising his voice and fervor, again with the call, "Brothers and Sisters, if you want to go to Heaven, come stand with me!"
Half of those left came over and the preacher continued, ending again with the call to Heaven. This time, all but one man came over.
"Brother!" the preacher called, "Don't you want to go to Heaven when you die?"
The man said, "Oh sure, when I die. I thought you were taking a load up now!"
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Getting the Right Information Pays Off
The young Kentucky farmer came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?
The young farmer answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
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Longer Than Expected Delays
Fifteen minutes into a flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the airplane captain turned on the intercom and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours.
But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours, but don't worry--we still have one engine left."
A young passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Cartoons For The Hot & Hazy Days of Summer
LINK OF THE WEEK: FROM CHRISTIANITY TODAY, read a timely article on
Observers weigh in on a Supreme Court without Protestants. Compiled by Ruth MoonA Protestant-Less Supreme Court: Does it Matter? http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/june/24.16.html
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June 23, 2010
PAINFUL GIVING
Let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
(2 Cor. 9:7)
(Weekly Devotion for June 23, 2010)
At the end of a service, a pastor walked past a pew where a young couple and their small children was seated. He noticed a couple of them crying. He asked the mother, why the young baby was crying and she responded with, “Oh, pastor he just starting teething!.” The pastor then asked, “But why is your husband crying?” The young lady responded with, “Oh, pastor he just starting tithing!” I’m sure that tithing and teething can both be painful. But, tithing (giving the Lord at least 10 percent of your earnings) is biblical and promise rewards to those who obey.
One of the greatest books I have read on giving is “The Treasure Principle” by Randy Alcorn.
Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). By telling us that our hearts follow our treasure, Jesus is saying, “Show me your checkbook, your VISA statement, and your receipts, and I’ll show you where your heart is.”
Suppose you buy shares of General Motors. What happens? You suddenly develop interest in GM. You check the financial pages. You see a magazine article about GM and read every word, even though a month ago you would have passed right over it.
Suppose you’re giving to help African children with AIDS. When you see an article on the subject, you’re hooked. If you’re sending money to plant churches in India and an earthquake hits India, you watch the news and fervently pray.
As surely as the compass needle follows north, your heart will follow your treasure. Money leads; hearts follow. [Pages 41-42]
Bro Larry
CHURCH NOTES . . .
It was a wonderful “Father’s Day” weekend. I enjoyed the fellowship with our ordained brothers and the Saturday message by Mike Brady at the weekend presbytery meeting. Also, it was enjoyable as always to have our ordained from the church go out for breakfast and fellowship prior on the Saturday morning meeting.
Honoring fathers is a special event. As you noticed, there were not near as many fathers present for Father’s Day as there are mothers for Mother’s Day. Many men in what is known as Christian families or at least families with Christian influences are AWOL from church. I was speaking to one of our members about a ministry face book he had visited that was posting blogs about why men are not at church in the numbers of ladies. There were postings of reasons like: music, ladies influence in decorations, ministries, etc. But when our member sent in his belief why men don’t attend church, there were no return responses. His response was a quote of John 3:19, “Men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.” Think on that one!
This weekend is the local association meeting at Mitchellville Church. Friday evening’s worship service begins at 7:00 p.m. with the association choir singing and the moderator, Bro. Andy Mathias bringing the message. Saturday’s business session and worship begins at 9:00 a.m. and I have the privilege of preaching the morning message. Vans will leave from church 30 minutes prior to meeting times.
CALENDAR
Wednesday (today)
- Adult Lesson Time @ 7:00 p.m.
- Youth Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Summer Children’s Ministry @ 7:00 p.m.
Friday
- Van leaves for the Portland Association Worship @ 6:30 p.m.
(Starting time is 7:00 p.m.)
Saturday
- Van leaves for the Portland Association @ 8:30 a.m.
(Starting time is 9:00 a.m.)
Sunday
- Prayer Time @ 9:45 a.m.
- Sunday School @ 10:00 a.m.
- Worship @ 10:55 p.m.
- Honduras Mission Team leaving for meeting @ 12:15 p.m.
- Portland Association Ordination Service @ 2:30 p.m.
- Evening Worship @ 6:00 p.m.
Tuesday
- Ladies Weight Loss Meeting @ 6:30 p.m.
NEWS & THE MEDIA
(OneNewsNow) President Barack Obama is chipping away at his long list of promises to homosexual voters but has yet to earn the enthusiastic backing of the reliably Democratic voting bloc.
The Obama White House has accomplished more than any other on gay rights, yet has drawn sharp criticism from an unexpected constituency: the same gay activists who backed the president's election campaign. Instead of the sweeping change gays and lesbians had sought, a piece-by-piece approach has been the administration's favored strategy, drawing neither serious fire from conservatives nor lavish praise from activists.
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(OneNewsNow) The National Parent Teacher Association refused to allow the group, Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays, to have an exhibit at their National PTA® convention last weekend in Memphis, Tennessee. However, the six-million-member PTA allowed Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays as an exhibitor. The group was chosen to help "end rampant anti-gay bullying" in public schools, PFLAG's executive director told The Washington Times.
"It's blatant discrimination against ex-gays," said Regina Griggs, PFOX executive director. The PTA allowed homosexual-rights groups to exhibit at its convention, but denied PFOX the same opportunity because it does not comply with the PTA's diversity and inclusion policy. "Who could be more diverse than a group [with] parents and friends who have homosexual children, who also have ex-gay children, ex-gay friends, [and] who merely want to let you know that change is possible — that there is hope for people with unwanted same-sex attractions?" Griggs said.
PFOX claims it tried for eight months to gain permission to have an exhibit booth at the gathering, even leaving voicemail messages that went unanswered for the National PTA president Charles Saylors.
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WISDOM & SMILES
Quotable Quotes
“God owns it all and (you) are stewards of His resources...Because you are stewards of the resources God has entrusted to you, every financial decision you make is actually a spiritual decision. For many, that's a revolutionary concept. How you manage your finances is a pretty good barometer for the condition of your spiritual life”. - - Dennis Rainey
“God doesn't look at just what we give. He also looks at what we keep.” - - Randy Alcorn
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What Do You Think About The Sermon?
After an exceptionally long and boring sermon the congregation filed out of the church not saying a word to the pastor. After a while a man shook the pastor's hand and said, "Pastor, that sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!" The pastor was ecstatic. "No-one has ever said anything like that about one of my sermons before! Tell me, how did it remind you of the peace and love of God?" "Well", said the man, "it reminded me of the peace of God because it passed all human understanding and it reminded me of the love of God because it endured forever!"
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Government Employees
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, Jane had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker.
"I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing."
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Lonely Days
Sally was recently widowed, and also a first-grade teacher.
One night she was trying out an art project: making a person with simple materials. She took a coat hanger, attached a paper-plate face, put a shirt on the hanger, and stuffed it. Then she set it on the couch to see how it looked.
Later that evening, her son walked through the door, home for a surprise visit. Taking one look at the coat-hanger figure sitting on the couch, he said, "Mom, it's not that bad, is it?"
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Don’t Remind Him
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Pastor went to see him.
He found him in excellent health, so the preacher asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Preacher," he whispered. "When I got to be 90 I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
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Sickness in Church
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."
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Swiss Army Knife For Ladies
Six principles of wise money management:
1. Use a budget (Pr. 21:5a).
2. Have a savings plan (Pr. 21:20).
3. Don’t cosign for someone else’s loan (Pr. 6:1-5; 17:18; 22:26-27; cf. 11:15; 20:16).
4. Stay out of debt (Pr. 22:7).
5. Avoid get-rich-quick schemes (Pr. 29:19-20, 22).
6. Don’t buy on impulse (Pr. 21:5b).
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June 16, 2010
A GODLY INFLUENCE
(Weekly Devotion for June 16, 2010)
Then the LORD said to Noah, "Come into the ark, you and all your household, because I have seen that you are righteous before Me in this generation.
(Genesis 7:1)
The children of Noah faced a significant decision. They lived in a world where everyone blatantly disregarded God. Wickedness was the norm. No one would have condemned Noah’s sons for living evil lives like the rest of society—no one except their father. In a world rampant with ungodly attitudes and every form of wicked behavior, they were fortunate to be Noah’s sons. When their father invited them to spend the next hundred years building an ark in obedience to a word from God, Noah’s sons had to choose whether to believe those around them or to trust their father. They chose to join their father. What a wonderful testimony of Noah’s godly influence in his home! How fortunate for Shem, Ham, and Japheth that their father refused to compromise his integrity, even though everyone else in his society had done so.
Your life has an influence on those around you as well. Your spouse and your children are profoundly affected by your choices. Your coworkers, your neighbors, and your friends will all be impacted by your life. As the world tries to persuade people to follow its standard, your life should stand in stark contrast as an example of a righteous person. Your life should convince those around you of the wisdom of following God. Do not underestimate the positive effect that your obedience will have upon those close to you.
(Borrowed from Henry Blackaby’s devotional for Tuesday, June 15, 2010)
Bro Larry
CHURCH NOTES . . .
Thanks for your involvement in a wonderful emotional and spiritual Sunday at WHGBC. This Sunday we are planning to honor our fathers on “Father’s Day.” There will be no evening service to allow our church family to spend time with family on this holiday weekend.
Remember, we have four on a ministry trip to Jamaica and one on a ministry team to Haiti. Pray that God is opening doors of opportunity in their ministry, especially people’s hearts. We will rejoice with their blessings on Sunday.
Thanks to the WHGBC family who reached out to David Mooneyhan this week following the death of May. I was proud of our church family and the way you responded.
The association presbytery meeting is this weekend at Madison church. Pray for the ordained of our church and our sister churches. There is much ministry to be done in these spiritually trying times. More can be done together than individually.
WHGBC desperately needs a leader for children’s ministry. Our Wednesday’s children ministry has a great foundation with the number of children who attend and the van ministry that enhances the ministry. I am praying that someone will step up for training or that God will bring the right person he has called for this very important ministry.
CALENDAR
Wednesday (today)
- Adult Lesson Time @ 7:00 p.m.
- Youth Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Summer Children’s Ministry @ 7:00 p.m.
Thursday
- CORE Ministries meeting @ 7:00 p.m.
Friday
- Van leaves with the ordained for Presbytery @ 6:15 p.m.
(Committee meetings only on Friday evening)
Saturday
- Van leaves with the ordained for Presbytery @ 7:00 a.m.
(Will stop for a good time of fellowship and breakfast – meeting begins @ 9:00 a.m.)
Sunday
- Prayer Time @ 9:45 a.m.
- Sunday School @ 10:00 a.m.
- Worship @ 10:55 p.m.
(Honoring Fathers).
- No Evening Service
Tuesday
- Ladies Weight Loss Meeting @ 6:30 p.m.
NEWS & THE MEDIA
The Boy Scouts is on trial in Philadelphia -- at issue is whether the Scouts' policy on homosexuals allows them to remain in their longtime base of operations.
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Last Sunday, local churches in the Gulf Coast region banded together for an Oil Spill Day of Prayer, asking God to stop the flow of oil. "Men have tried for weeks to stop the flow of oil and, to date, all has failed," said Dr. Dan Berry, the South Coastal district superintendent of the Wesleyan Church. "We need to call on God to stop the flow now. Our God stopped the flow of water for Israel to cross the Red Sea and He can cease the flow from this ruptured well." Participants included the Wesleyan Church, the Church of the Nazarene and Southern Baptists. [ChristianPost.com]
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Thousands of protestors gathered around the corner of Liberty and Church Streets in New York City last Sunday to voice their opposition to a proposed "mega mosque" near Ground Zero. A New York community board had voted 29-1 last month in favor of the plans to build the center. Opponents of the Muslim-led project say building an Islamic center so close to Ground Zero would be demeaning to the 2,976 victims and offensive to their family members of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The new Islamic mosque plans to open its doors on Sept. 11, 2011 — the 10th anniversary of the World Trade Center attack. [WorldNetDaily.com, OneNewsNow.com] - - - - - - - - - - - -
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WISDOM & SMILES
Quotable Quotes
"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right." - - Bill Cosby
"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." - - Mark Twain
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It Finally Happened!
Oscar's phone rang. On the other line was his best friend, Old Joe.
"Hey Oscar, it finally happened!" Old Joe said.
"What happened?"
"It happened when I got up this morning," Old Joe, said, his voice quivering. "Mother always warned me it would!"
"Would you just tell me what happened?" Oscar said, getting impatient.
"Well, when I got up this morning, my knees buckled but my belt wouldn't!"
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Those Baptists Are Everywhere
Several churches in the South decided to hold union services. The leader was a Baptist and proud of his denomination.
"How many Baptists are here?" he asked on the first night of the revival?
All except one little old lady raised their hands.
"Lady, what are you?" asked the leader.
"I'm a Methodist," meekly replied the lady.
"Why are you a Methodist?" queried the leader?
"Well," replied the little old lady, "my grandparents were Methodists, my mother was a Methodist, and my late husband was a Methodist."
"Well," retorted the leader, "just supposing all your relatives had been morons, what would that have made you?"
"Oh, I see. A Baptist, I suppose," the lady replied meekly.
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Hit Him Again
The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."
Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000."
Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."
He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!"
This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!
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Corny Joke For The Week
Two men were working at a sawmill when one guy got too close to the saw and cut his ear off.
It fell in the sawdust pit so he jumped down into the pit and began hunting around trying to find it. The second guy saw him and hollered down, "What're you doing?"
The first man explained that he had cut off his ear and was looking for it. The second guy said, "I'll help you" and jumped in the pit.
He was searching around on his hands and knees and then hollered, "I found it!"
The first guy took it and examined it closely, then said, "Keep looking. Mine had a pencil behind it.
LINK OF THE WEEK
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June 9, 2010
KNOWING & BELIEVING
(Weekly Devotion for June 9, 2010)
And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.
(John 6:69)
A guest lecturer at a seminary spoke for two and one-half hours attempting to prove that the resurrection was false. The professor quoted from scholar after scholar and book after book. He concluded that since the resurrection was false then the historical foundation of the church was groundless. He then asked if there were any questions.
An old preacher with a head of wooly white hair stood in the back of the auditorium and began with, “Docta Professer, I got one question.” He reached in his sack lunch and pulled out an apple and began to eat it. CRUNCH, CRUNCH went the sound as he continued, “My question is a simple question.” CRUNCH. “Now, I ain’t never read them books that you read.” CRUNCH. “and I can’t recite the Scripture from the original Greek.” CRUNCH. “All I wanna know is: This apple I just ate - - - was it bitter or sweet?”
The professor paused for a minute and answered in scholarly fashion, “I cannot possibly answer that question, for I haven’t tasted your apple.”
The old preach dropped the core of the apple into his crumpled paper sack, looked at the professor and said calmly, “Neither have you tasted my Jesus.”
The 1,000 plus attendance could not contain themselves. The auditorium erupted with applause and cheer.
When you get to know Jesus personally you trust Him and His words.
Bro. Larry
CHURCH NOTES . . .
It’s been a blessed weekend at WHGBC. The men’s breakfast was not well attended on Saturday, but the sharing time was great. Sunday morning there was a wonderful spirit in our midst and Sunday evening, Jeff preached an outstanding teaching sermon. If you missed the weekend with your church family, you missed a blessing.
This week is less busy than the past few have been. But, allow me to remind you that you need to keep God at the center of your plans and life this summer.
Sunday cookout and worship for the residents at Clearview Apartments has been cancelled for now. There are so many of our church family that will be gone on mission trips, vacations, etc. that only about 20-25 were able to commit for next Sunday’s outreach to the seniors. The residents at Clearview deserve more than that from the WHGBC family and by postponing for a month or two, we should be able to give it.
Remember the mission travelers from the WHGBC family. Mike, Tina, Jake, & Michelle are leaving early Saturday for a week of mission work in Jamaica. Donnie is leaving early Sunday for a week of mission work in Haiti. May God give them safety and blessings in their mission work.
Bro. Larry
CALENDAR
Wednesday (today)
- Adult Lesson Time @ 7:00 p.m.
- Youth Worship @ 7:00 p.m.
- Bible Blitz Children’s Ministry @ 7:00 p.m.
Friday
- Senior Outing to Mammoth Cave, Ky @ 9:00 a.m.
(cookout and boat ride at Danielle Treadways)
Sunday
- Prayer Time @ 9:45 a.m.
- Sunday School @ 10:00 a.m.
- Worship @ 10:55 p.m.
- Evening Worship @ 6:00 p.m.
- Youth Drama Practice @ 6:00 p..
Tuesday
- Ladies Weight Loss Meeting @ 6:30 p.m.
NEWS & THE MEDIA
(FOCUS) Last week, Gov. Tim Pawlenty (Minn.) signed an omnibus spending bill which included the Minnesota Couples on the Brink project for couples on the road to divorce. The project will give them an "off-ramp" by offering, on a voluntary basis, short-term coaching to help the husband and wife decide whether they really want to split. If they decide to rebuild their marriage, the project will help craft a reconciliation plan.
William J. Doherty, a family studies professor at the University of Minnesota, surveyed about 2,500 couples who had attended a mandatory divorce education class during 2008 and 2009. In about 30 percent of the cases, one spouse said they wanted the divorce while the other did not, and in about 10 percent, "both partners were open to trying again" to save their marriage. That 10 percent represents about 1,500 couples a year statewide.
If couples knew more about divorce and its aftermath, "they might want to find an alternate path," said State Senator Steve Dille, lead sponsor of the law — a Republican who helped pass several pro-marriage laws during his 24 years in the Minnesota Legislature.
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Officials at a Minnesota public school have agreed to respect the right of a middle school student to wear a t-shirt bearing an abstinence message after initially prohibiting the seventh grader from wearing it. After being informed by The Rutherford Institute that forbidding the student from wearing the t-shirt with the message "Virginity Rocks!" violated the First Amendment, school officials withdrew the directive and agreed to apologize. On the back of the t-shirt is the message, "I'm loving my wife and I haven't met her yet." [BreakingChristianNews.com]
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President Obama proclaimed the month of June as LGBT Pride Month the day after the House and a Senate committee voted to repeal the U.S. military's ban on homosexuals serving openly in the military. The proclamation also delineates the president's intentions to repeal the federal Defense of Marriage Act and to secure adoption rights for LGBT families. [OneNewsNow.com, CitizenLink.com]
WISDOM & SMILES
Quotable Quotes
This past weekend the legendary coach John Wooden died at the age of ninety-nine. I was always impresses with his faith and character. One of the valued books in my personal library is John Wooden’s “Pyramid of Success.” Here are a few of his quotes.
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
Material possessions, winning scores, and great reputations are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord, because He knows what we really are and that is all that matters.
Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.
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HOME REMEDIES
WARNING: the following are for humor only!
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
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THINGS TO REMEMBER
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
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WHAT WOULD JESUS DRIVE?
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for (grin) "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord... " Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."
And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord."
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DON’T CATCH YOURSELF TALKING TO THE ANIMALS
A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and raised the hood to see if he could find out what had happened.
A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the field she had been grazing in over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man.
After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, "Looks like a bad carburetor to me." Then she walked back into the field and began grazing again.
Amazed, the man walked back to the farmhouse he had just passed, where he met a farmer. "Hey, mister, is that your cow in the field?" he asked.
The farmer replied, "The brown and white one? Yep, that's old Bessie."
The man then said, "Well my car's broken down, and she just said, 'Looks like a bad carburetor to me.'"
The farmer shook his head and said, "Don't mind old Bessie, son. She don't know a thing about cars."
